


To be enough

by effer_vescencia



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Break Up, Character Study, Coming Out, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-02
Updated: 2020-10-02
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:40:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26775274
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/effer_vescencia/pseuds/effer_vescencia
Summary: Laila Dermott is, by all means, a girl with expectations. With a head full of dreams and anxious thoughts, a heart full of dread and anticipation. She is, also, very much in love with a girl.And that, is her doom.
Relationships: Alvarez/Laila Dermott
Comments: 3
Kudos: 7





	To be enough

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this because there's a lack of Laila/Alvarez fanfics out there. Also because I love writing about characters that have close to no backstories.

Laila Dermott is, by all means, a girl with expectations. With a head full of dreams and anxious thoughts, a heart full of dread and anticipation. She is, also, very much in love with a girl.

And that, is her doom.

*

Laila Dermott hated Sara Alvarez from the very moment she met her. She was her direct opposite, two entities never meant to collide. Never meant to love each other.

Sara Alvarez was an unattainable figure, careless and reckless, someone Laila will never be. Because there are certain things that are expected of her and being loud and _so_ present isn’t one of them.

Call it jealousy.

But Laila couldn’t stop thinking about her, and, like an enemies-to-lovers kind of story, she fell harder than she thought she ever would and _oh_.

*

From the very first kiss to the very first night to the very last night, everything went fast. Alvarez was a hurricane Laila was not prepared to, and how much did it hurt when the fall stopped abruptly, unprecedently, the wind calming down and Laila realizing, _I lost her_.

*

Laila lost Alvarez gradually, or was it the other way around, she cannot remember it. It was screams and tears and shame, and oh god did it hurt. There was nothing she could do, except watch their love reduced to ashes, to nothing but a bittersweet memory of what could have been.

*

Perhaps they loved each other too much. Perhaps the intensity of what they felt was too bright for Laila to handle. She was the quiet type, and her body couldn’t handle so many emotions. She feared she might implode and take Alvarez with her. So, when she said, on a cold April evening, “I think we should stop”, the release she felt was so liberating she might have cried.

But it only lasted a few minutes, her heart breaking at the sight of Alvarez, walking away.

*

For two years and a half, it was pink and blue, pure happiness and reckless love. For the first time, Laila let herself _feel_ and it was the best thing ever. They first kissed at a party and it shouldn’t have been romantic but it was, sweat and blinding lights and something building through her entire body. She was addicted to Alvarez’s skin, her hair her eyes her touch. She never wrote poetry but she wanted to, an homage to the work of art Sara was and still is.

She didn’t call it love, at first. A powerful attraction, more than friendship, a lust she didn’t know she could nourish. It felt so right and so good she never wanted it to stop.

But somewhere deep inside, something was crawling and tugging, whispering _shame_ and _wrong_ with the voice of her mother.

All was well until it wasn’t anymore.

*

At first, the confrontation was silent. They didn’t yell. Didn’t tear each other apart with words meant to hurt and _break_.

Instead, they spent hours without talking, sometimes sitting close, without touching. Sometimes with Laila locked in the bathroom, silently crying.

It got worse when Alvarez started to voice her frustrations, when she wanted Laila to _talk, for fuck’s sake_. _Please talk to me_. It’s the pleading in her voice that pushed Laila to open her mouth and say: “I don’t know if it’s gonna work, Sara”.

Because Laila couldn’t give Alvarez the life she wanted. Because back at home, nobody knew Laila was dating a girl, and they will never know. At night, she dreamt of her mother’s face, distorted with disappointment, saying “my beautiful daughter, what have you become?”

Alvarez thought that the sheer will of their love could bring Laila to feel free to live the life she desperately wanted. She didn’t understand. She couldn’t.

“Am I not enough?” she whispered, her hands cupping Laila’s face.

“Of course, you are.”

But Alvarez didn’t believe her.

*

Sara Alvarez was born and raised in California, sister to a proud gay man and daughter to proud Bernie supporters. She knew _hate_ , being Mexican and queer. Hate was on TV, in the streets and everywhere.

But never in the comfort of her family, this little bubble of affection and adoration.

Laila Dermott was born and raised in the Bible Belt, her passion for Exy the only concession her family was willing to make. Being gay was okay, but not in front of them, _not my very own daughter._ She was the sister of an older brother, happily married to his high school sweetheart, owner of his own company, and father of two.

Laila didn’t have the pressure of being the oldest, but she had an ideal to attain. A dull degree in law and economics, a nice and rich boy to marry, babies to make, and houses to keep clean.

She had proud parents and she had worked hard for the pride to never leave their eyes.

So, she thought and thought and thought. And the only conclusion was that she will stay unhappy.

*

Alvarez was everywhere. On the court, between classes, at Jeremy’s parties. In her dreams. In her bed when they couldn’t resist the temptation, for what they have is organic, something that cannot be ignored.

Laila went home that summer, to a family she loved but didn’t trust with the purest aspect of her life. The words were in her throat, ready to go out. She didn’t sleep. Almost didn’t eat.

But then it was too much and she looked them in the eyes, her mom and her dad, “I’m in love with a woman”, she said it like it could change, like it was a feeling rather than her entire identity, but still, it opened something in her, a brightness enveloping her soul.

She didn’t wait for an answer, stormed out of the living room, her mother’s gasp the only noise filling the void of her mind.

*

She left the next morning.

*

Alvarez didn’t owe her anything. Laila was the one who left, cowardly. But she still held her close in her arms when the world felt like it was ending, Laila at its center.

“I’m proud of you,” Alvarez said.

And that was what Laila needed the most, because how could she live without others’ pride when she had none for herself.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading this! 
> 
> Kudos and comments are welcome, they are my main motivation for writing. Again, be aware that English is not my mother tongue, so warn me of mistakes I may have made!
> 
> Lots of love. <3


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